Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Deity Election Down To Two Candidates

Canton, OH (MBDBC) -- As the last voters wait to be let into the polling places in this battleground state, one candidate is already declaring a sure victory; the other candidate still in the race is predicting that the Hermectoral College vote will go his way.

The "sure" winner, given the election by a fair and balanced Fox News in the wee hours of the morning, is the only husband-and-wife team on the deity election roster, Sun Myung Moon and Hak Ja Han Moon of Korea. In addition to a slight edge in the popular vote, Mother and Father Moon (as their followers call them) claim that hundreds of world leaders have endorsed them from the spirit world.

The challenger, Hermes of ancient Greece, claims to have the Hermectoral College vote sewn up. Since the College was until recently named the Electoral College, and only changed its name when Hermes became its Registrar, Moonies and their loyal followers are calling foul. Ohio hermectors in particular are vowing to give the hermection to their man Hermes.

CNN senior analyst Jeff Greenfield notes that this puts a new spin on the old term "faithless elector." A faithless elector was historically someone who refused to vote according to the popular vote; in this hermection a faithless hermector would be someone who refuses to vote for Hermes. A subtle semantic shift, Greenfield says, but one that could prove costly for the Moons.

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