Saturday, October 02, 2004


Fox News Apology

We here at Fox News Online made a mistake today. It was an honest mistake. It was a fair and balanced mistake. But it was still a mistake. And we regret it. We really do. We feel terrible. We apologize. Sincerely. It'll never happen again. Cross our hearts and hope to become liberals.

One of our reporters, Carl Cameron, posted some fake John Kerry quotations on today:

"That Dionysus really knows how to party, dude. And he's got a most excellently large penis."
"Karl Rove is a big dildo."
"I have a bolt through my neck."
"I'm so limber can felch myself."
"I'm a flip-flopping robotic goat wearing a rubber Herman Munster mask."

John Kerry never really said these things. He may have thought them, and they may be quite true, but according to our fair and balanced fact-checkers, he never said them. Carl Cameron got these quotations from a highly placed source in the Bush administration and failed to substantiate them properly. And that makes them bad journalism. Shame on us.

Cameron has since been flogged upon the back and buttocks and sent to his room without dinner, where he will not be allowed to surf the Internet or consult with Satan on his next story.

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