Saturday, October 09, 2004
Zeus is a Fool
"You did WHAT?" Hermes Trismegistus yells, his eyes popping.
"I threw it over the railing," Zeus says calmly. "Good riddance to bad rubbish."
"Do you have any idea what kind of POWER--" Hermes starts.
"Let it go, Hermes," Zeus says. "You're not doing yourself a whole lot of good talking to me in that tone."
Hermes takes a deep breath, counts to ten.
"That--dildo," he says, glancing uneasily over at Hera, who is fidgeting by the fireplace, "gave us power over the President of the United States."
"Do what now?" Zeus says, digging exasperatedly at a really tenacious booger up in the top corner of his right nostril. "Power over what?"
"Did I not explain this to you?" Hermes says, keeping his voice level. "Stage one was the American theocracy, run by Dionysus disguised as Satan in a Yahweh suit. We got the key, remember?"
"Uh, vaguely," Zeus says. "There! Got it!" He pulls out a most excellently bloody booger, looks at it admiringly for a moment, then wipes it on the couch.
"And then, stage two, we turned the main White House strategist, Satan's son Karl Rove, into a voodoo doll, which would enable us to control the president. And of course Hera kept it stuffed up her--um, person while we weren't using it, and that was fine. But then you apparently forgot about the plan, Zeus, and tossed the little pecker overboard."
"Yeah, well," Zeus says carelessly. "We'll get another."
"There is only one Karl Rove," Hermes says through clenched teeth.
"Whatever," Zeus says.
Hermes stifles a histrionic sigh, and leaves, thinking: we need a new head god. And I think I know just the guy to take over, when the time is right ...