Tuesday, October 12, 2004


"Chimp-Cloners" Spread the Good--er, Word

Houston (AP)--The newest rage among Bush supporters in the last weeks before the Presidential election has some Republican strategists worried.

The group calls themselves "Chimp-Cloners," or just "Chimpers," after the widely disseminated reports that George W. Bush looks like a chimp and actually is a clone.

They are typically well-educated professional young men, in the 18-25 age range. They sit in cubicles all day, working at computer terminals. And on their lunch breaks and while out in the evening, they stand around in large groups with their tongues under their lower lips, scratching their armpits and chanting "Huh huh Internets! Huh huh Internets!"

The nonce plural "Internets" is a reference to an unfortunate remark President Bush made in last Friday's town-meeting debate about what people might be saying about him on the "Internets."

Because of the position of the Chimp-Cloners' tongues, of course, their chant comes out "Huh huh In-nuh-neth!"

At first thought to be Kerry supporters, or possibly even antivote anarchists interested only in making fun of the President's simian qualities, the Chimp-Cloners have now gone on record as admirers of Bush, who are planning to vote for their hero in the November election.

As Lanth Bothey, an assistant IT manager at Pennzoil and one of the leaders of the Houston Chimp-Cloners, put it: "BUTH WOOTH! BUTH FAWEVAH!"

An unnamed source in the White House reports that strategists there are concerned, but uncertain how to respond.

"Where is that damn Rove?" Dick Cheney is quoted as saying. "He'd know what to do with these Chimpers."

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