Monday, October 18, 2004
Viva la Revolucion!
"Okay," Rove says, shaking his shoulders a little. He feels almost--human again. And god damn it feels good! "The Million Mantid March on Washington: what's the status, Pat?"
"They're massing as we speak," Robertson says. "In the forests and jungles and copses all across this great land. Operatives are handing out bug repellent repellent and depth charges."
"Depth charges?" Cheney wants to know.
"For the fish," Robertson says. "Every body of water they pass, boom."
"And they've got the Chimp placards to carry through major cities?" Rove says.
"You bet," Robertson says.
"And the Chimp Cloner Rumble? Condi?"
"I think it's racist for you to put me in charge of that," Condoleezza Rice says.
"You can be replaced, you know," Rove observes.
"No, no," Rice says. "I'm just saying. They're ready to rumble."
"The Christian Coalition, Pat? Rebecca Combs knows what to do?"
"They're armed to the teeth," Robertson says. "Ready to take back this great country of ours. Expect confrontations that will be not only unpleasant but at times physically bloody. Institutions will be plunged into wrenching change. We will be living through one--"
"Okay, okay," Rove cuts in. "We've all heard that speech, Pat."
"And what about this three-judge Circuit Court of Appeals panel down in Georgia, already overturning the Patriot Act? John?"
"What about it?" Ashcroft says.
"What are you doing about it? They're protecting Americans' civil rights, like the fucking filthy fish-loving Lincolnites they are!"
"B-but," Ashcroft says, "Lincoln's in power! Until we overthrow him, I don't see what we can do."
"Be creative," Rove snaps, "hard as that may seem to you. Have you never heard of guerrilla tactics?"
"Uh, sure," Ashcroft says. "Dress some guys up in camo and paint their faces green and black?"
"How about a nice little infestation?" Rove says. "Mayor Bobby Peters wants to appeal the decision to the full 11th Circuit Court. Let's help him out, shall we? I want every square inch of those three judges' houses crawling with bugs. Send in a few talking bugs to explain the situation to the judges. Hell, send in thousands. They can chant around the clock, 'Overturn the decision.' Or, no, wait: have them chant Judge Tjoflat's words at all three of them: 'We cannot simply suspend or restrict civil liberties until the War of Terror is over, because the War on Terror is unlikely ever to be truly over.' Talk about your War on Terror: that should scare the holy fuck outta those Lincolnites."
"You're a stone genius, Karl," Ashcroft says. "We were lost without you."
"Take your tongue out of my ass, John," Karl says, but secretly he's pleased. Happy to be back; happy to have been missed. This is where he belongs! Here in this dripping cave, somewhere in the wilds of Kentucky! Plotting to get the White House back! This is what he lives for!