Sunday, September 26, 2004


Talking Clone

So, Dubya is saying to Evelyn, one of the White House secretaries, there's this drunk guy, see?

Is this you? Evelyn says without looking up from her typing.

Uh, Dubya says, no. This is another drunk guy. I mean, this is a joke about a drunk guy. I'm not that guy.

Oh, Evelyn says.

Anyway, Dubya says, he's got some people over, and he's drunk, and he goes, hey, wanna see my talking clone?

Now Evelyn's head bobs up.

Talking clone? she says, trying not to meet Marcia's eye across the room. Marcia is listening intently with her head down anyway.

Yeah, Dubya says, a talking clone. You know, the kind that tells you the time every time you hit it.

Oh, Evelyn says, going back to her typing. A talking clock.

Right, Dubya says. Like I said. Anyway, this guy is really wasted, and wants to show off his talking clone, and--

Now Evelyn can't help it. She glances over at Marcia. Marcia meets her eye for just a split second and goes back to her work.

And his guests go, hey, sure, talking clone, let's see the motherfucker, scuse the French. So they go in the bedroom and the guy grabs a hammer and smacks this big grass bong.

You mean, uh, glass bong? Evelyn says.


I just never saw a grass bong, Evelyn says. Oh! You mean for marijuana. That kind of grass.

No, Dubya says, a Japanese kind. You smack it and it goes BONNNGGGG.

Oh, Evelyn says, a gong.

A what?

A gong. Oh, I get it, she says, you mean a brass gong.

What'd I say?

Never mind.

Anyway, Dubya says, the guy hits it, like, really hard, and he's drunk on his ass. And it's like the clone talks!

What clone? Evelyn says.

The talking clone! Dubya exclaims. Haven't you been listening?

Sorry, Mr. President, Evelyn says.

He hits it and it says "Would you stop hitting that thing you drunk fuck it's 2 am in the fucking morning!" Get it?

What, the neighbor behind the wall yelled at him?

No, the clone did! It fucking talked!

Wow, Evelyn says, stealing one more glance at Marcia.

Yeah, pretty funny joke, huh? Dubya says. I wonder what they're doing with the Mullet Billdoug in there. He seemed like a pretty right-on guy.

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