Tuesday, September 07, 2004


Don't Think

Well, life in heaven seems to be one long cookout. Today Isis and Osiris are here, with Isis's pet priest Lucius Apuleius. Nobody mentions the time when he was a golden ass. I gather it's something of a sore subject with Isis. Osiris, well--if I never hear him bitch and moan about the pain in his leg again, it'll be too soon.

I never realized gods could be such big babies.

I'm off to one side, blogging, when Mullah Billdoug starts talking to me from inside my head.

Doug? You there?

If you call heaven "there," I think.

Listen, is Bill with you?

No, I think. I haven't seen him since the rapture mud. And then only as he was going under.

Never mind. There's something you need to know. Karl Rove's been talking to Olivia.

Olivia Dunktert? I think.

Yeah. He's trying to get her to do the forbidden experiment for them.

But, I think--she's here in heaven. Is Karl Rove dead?

He isn't exactly dead, Mullah Billdoug says, and he isn't exactly undead. And he's a very long ways from alive.

I see.

He needs the forbidden experiment in order to derelect the Clone.

The Clone? I think.

The Chimp Puppet Clone.

"Oh, I get it," I say out loud, thinking: why would anyone want to clone a chimp puppet for president?

The technology was very hit-or-miss back in the mid-forties, the Mullah says.

So what do you want me to do? I think.

Just don't think, he says.

Don't think? At all?

Don't think about Olivia Dunktert.

Oh, I think, I can do that. I hardly ever think about her anyway.

Good. Oh, and another thing.


Keep an eye out for Mullah Jalal al-Din Mevlana.


Yes, Rumi. He may have ties with Olivia.


Literally. We have the ropes that were used to tie her up in the photo I found in her dresser drawer, and they've got Mullah Jalal's DNA all over them.

DNA? I think. He's been dead seven centuries.

You think dead people don't have DNA? the Mullah says, rather snappishly.

Right, right, I think: I got it: don't think.

Exactly, the Mullah says.

So do you think Mullah Jalal's working with Rove on this? I think.

I repeat, Mullah Billdoug says: I don't think.


Just keep an eye out for him.


Oh, and say hi to Isis for me, would you? I used to have a big thing for her.

And he's gone. And I'm thinking: the Mullah and Isis? Is it possible?

Then I remind myself: don't think. Don't even remind yourself not to think. Don't even refer to yourself in the second person while not reminding yourself not to think. Don't even

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