Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Dionysus Lines Up for the White House Tour
Empty your pockets into the tub, please, sir.
Pockets? What is pockets?
He isn't wearing pants, Mike.
Damn, so he isn't. I'm sorry, sir. No one is allowed into the White House without pants.
Hold on there a second, Mike. Doesn't he look familiar to you?
Huh? No, not really. Jim Breuer as Goat Boy, maybe you're thinking? On those old SNLs?
Maybe. I dunno, there's just something about him ... Sir, have you been on TV?
No.
Damn, that's that, then. Have you been here before? The White House? Here?
No.
Do you have, like, a famous brother or something?
No.
Do you come in different flavors? Strawberry, maybe?
Yeah, that's it--a different flavor, like the old Strawberry Shortcake toys!
Or cherry!
Cherry Cheesecake!
That's it! Imagine him in red! Red skin, horns, red beard, red tail ... no, I can't think of who he reminds me of.
Are you an Arab, by any chance, sir?
No.
Muslim?
No.
Terrorist?
No.
Carrying any concealed weapons? Well, no, I guess you don't have any place to conceal them, do you, sir, ha ha!
No.
Walk through the metal detector, please, sir. Line forms to your left.
