Thursday, September 09, 2004


Coulter Blasts Jesus Flipflop

Right-wing crusader Ann Coulter today went after everybody's favorite Savior, Jesus Christ.

Jesus has been under fire from the political Right since His appearance on Fox's The O'Reilly Factor yesterday, during which He called on God the Father to cross the show's feisty conservative host Bill O'Reilly off the "saved list" and refused to forgive him.

In a memorable exchange at the close of the appearance, Jesus said "Don’t make me ask dad to let Satan mess with you," whereupon O'Reilly tried to grab the mic off the lapel of Jesus' three-piece executive suit, and Jesus taunted, "Can’t turn me off, can’t turn me off. Nanny nanny boo boo!" At this point O'Reilly lost his temper and began shouting "Shut up shut up shut up shut up!" at the top of his lungs.

As the producers say: good television.

Now Ann Coulter has chimed in, accusing Jesus of being "even more liberal than that communist Bill O'Reilly" and accusing Him of flipflops going all the way back to his ministry on earth.

"What would you call 'Let him who is without sin among ye cast the first stone'?" Coulter charged. "Doesn't that sound exactly like John Kerry? Oh, those poor Iraqis, they might get hurt when we cast our big stones! Then it's 'I've come to bring not peace but a sword.' Make up your mind, Jesus! What do you want to do, dither or cut somebody's head off?"

Coulter went on to argue that Jesus was the worst thing to happen to America, with His flipflop liberal message of forgiveness mixed with sudden irrational bursts of anger against big corporations "fraudulently" skimming funds from church-goers and shareholders.

"The sooner we dump the flipflop liberal religion of Jesus Christ," she declaimed, "and incinerate all the flipflop human liberals, beginning with Bill O'Reilly, the sooner we'll be able to get American freedom and democracy back on track."

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