Friday, September 24, 2004
Get Mullah Billdoug
He lost it, Cheney says, hanging up the phone.
He what! Rove says.
He lost it. Satan found the shop where they were keeping it, he and Cat Stevens broke in, but the guy got away with the prepuce.
Damn, Rove says.
You know what I think, Cheney starts.
Lemme think, Rove says.
No, listen, Cheney says.
Lemme think, Rove says.
See but the thing is, Cheney says.
The thing is, Rove says, if you don't let me think I'm going to put LSD in your medical astrologer's morning Postum, and your Mars/Vulcanus conjunction will send you to the moon.
Uh, Cheney says, right.
And I ain't talking about no moon shadow, neither, Rove says.
Gotcha, Cheney says.
Rove whips around to Rumsfeld. He moves pretty fast for a big pink squishy boy.
Turn on the computer, he says.
Do what, now? Rumsfeld says.
Turn on the fucking computer, Rove says. I want to check Mullah Billdoug.
That old quack? Cheney says.
I'm warning you, Dick, Rove says.
Right, Cheney says.
Rumsfeld's hands are trembling, but he gets the computer on, the browser open and pointed at mullahbilldoug.blogspot.com.
I don't know what you, Rumfeld starts.
Get out of the way, Cheney says, and sits down to read. Mm-hm, he nods. Mm-hm, right. Just as I suspected.
What, Cheney says.
The good Mullah knows where the prepuce is, he says. It's all right here.
You're shitting me, Cheney says.
"Fifth and Elm, the west wall of the Republican Party Headquarters downtown. Fifth brick up, fifteenth from the street." Get right on it, Rove says.
God damn, Rumsfeld breathes. This guy's good.
I agree, Rove says. Let's pick him up.
Pick him up? Cheney says.
Don't repeat what I say, Rove says. Just do it.
But if we pick him up, Cheney says, how will he find this stuff out, and blog it?
We'll let him go again, Rove says. But we'll turn him first. He'll be working for us. Giving us the straight scoop and feeding disinformation to the enemy.
Brilliant, Rumsfeld says.
Isn't he some kinda towelhead? Cheney says.
Oh, shit, Rove says.
What now? Rumsfeld says.
I just clicked "reload," Rove says, and look what came up!
The boys gather around to look, and gasp. They are reading their own conversation in real time.
