Friday, October 15, 2004


At St. Elizabeth's

Yes, I was excited, of course. I was invited to the White House for dinner! Me, a little old lady from Fargo. Just because I wrote the best essay on “Why President Bush Should Be Elected for Life.”

Just tell me what you saw. Nobody’s going to hurt you here.

I’m scared.

It’s okay. I promise.

Well, I was sitting at the table with Laura Bush, some congress people and senator people, you know, elected officials. And there were some White House aides. They had just served the fish.

Uh-huh. Go on.

So I was about to eat the fish when it looked at me and whispered, “Lincoln.”

The fish spoke to you?

Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what happened. It looked up at me with a big cooked eye, and opened it jaw and whispered.

Is that all it said?

No, it also said, “Olympus.”

What did you do?

I looked around the table to see if anyone had noticed the fish talking.

Had they?

No, I guess not. They were all eating and talking.

What happened then?

Well, it was then that I saw the snakes and bugs.

Snakes and bugs? The ones you were raving about when they brought you in?

They were real!

Okay, okay, calm down and just tell me what you saw.

Mrs. Bush was looking at me funny. She said, are you all right? and that was when the snake peeked out of her ear. A little green snake. It stuck its tongue out and went back in her ear. Then one peeked out of her nose. She seemed not to notice. I screamed and dropped my fork. Then that ugly one, Senator Santorium or whatever, he came over and asked if I was all right. And there was a centipede hanging out of his mouth like a tongue. And a preying mantis peeking out of one of his ears. And then I saw…

What? What did you see?

Everybody at the table was filled with some kind of loathsome creature! There were bugs coming out of everyone, and snakes, and then the fish got up off of everyone’s plates and began flopping around, their cooked flesh flying all over… and I was screaming and screaming… and then I was here.

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