Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Unusual Cockroach Infestation in White House
Washington, D.C. (MBDBC) -- The Secret Service reports this morning that the White House has been "overrun" with cockroaches.
"They're everywhere," Lincoln aide Mullah Billdoug told reporters.
White House staff has been doing battle with the roaches since the wee hours of the night, detonating bug bomb after bug bomb, but so far the battle is too close to call.
Lincoln's staff is calling the infestation an "attack on the presidency."
"This is no random infestation," White House Literary Critic Doug Robinson said. "We have tapes of roaches singing marching songs about killing Lincoln from two and three weeks ago, on the Million Mantid March. This is all part of a master plan designed to unseat President Lincoln and restore the mantid favorite George W. Bush to the presidency."
Apparently drawn by the battle for control of the White House, former Bush aides have gathered outside the fences. All deny collusion in the infestation, however.
"This wasn't an invasion," former National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice said. "There was no 'plan.' Infestations happen. I've had roaches in my house too."
Former Bush Vice President Dick Cheney scoffed at the liberal bloggers who were calling this infestation an "occupation" of the White House.
"Typical liberal conspiracy theories," he said. "Roach infestations aren't subject to human control. They are acts of God."
Cheney, like most of the former Bush White House, is on record as a supporter of Sun Myung and Hak Ja Han Moon for deity.