Monday, September 27, 2004


Tied to the Chair or Not; The Supremes in Concert

Do you believe I am tied to this chair?

What does it matter what I believe? You’re tied to the chair.

It doesn’t matter whether you believe it?

No. Look, stupid. You’re tied to the chair. And you’ll stay tied to the chair until you either tell us where the prepuce is, or we kill you. Understand?

I don’t understand why you won’t tell me if you believe I am tied to this chair. It’s a simple question.

Rummy, give me your lighter. Thanks. Now, let’s see if you believe this pain I’m going to cause you, Mr. Billdoug.

Ummm—are you sure this is legal, Karl? I mean, the Geneva Conventions and ... ouch! Okay, okay.

Keep it shut, Rummy. Go play with your note cards or something. Now, Mr. Big Shot Mullah, Mr. Everything Is Relative, how do you like THIS?


Whaddya mean, “okay”? I just burned your nose with this lighter!

Oh, yes. I mean, Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Please stop. Please!

Huh. Where’s the prepuce?

The prepuce is where it is, nowhere else.

Where is it? Fine. Play stupid. How’d ya like THIS?

It’s okay, um, I mean, aaieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Ouch. Where’s the love?

Why won’t you talk, dammit?

Why won’t you tell me if you believe I’m tied to this chair?

Okay, let’s play your game. Yes, I believe you’re tied to that chair.


Hey, hey! Where are you going? Hey! Stop him!

What? I didn’t go anywhere. I’m right here.

B-but, I could have sworn that ... hm. All right. Where’s the prepuce?

First you have to tell me if you can handle bad news gracefully.

What? Bad news? Yeah, I guess.

Bad news is, the Supreme Court has the prepuce.

Really? Interesting. Why is that bad news?

Well, at least five of them aren’t what they seem. Aren’t human.

Really. Not human? And they have the prepuce? You know I’ll check this out, and if you’re lying ...

Oh, I would NEVER lie. That’s against the code.

So, you’ll stay right here, while my associates and myself check this out? Sufi’s honor, or whatever?

Sure, sure. Just be careful. Especially watch out for the one called Scalia. He’s probably the one with the prepuce in the pocket of his robe. Might even keep it in his underpants.

We’ll be right back, then. No funny stuff.

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