Saturday, January 29, 2005


The Fluid Tentativity



Over here.

Who are you?

Never mind about that. I've got a proposition for you.

Uh huh?

There's some money in it for you. Maybe something bigger than money.

Something against the law, I'm guessing?

Not against the laws of the land, if that's what you mean.


It might be ever so slightly against the laws of nature, if you get my drift.

My mind spins.

I might be able to help you out with the ten grand Captain Leibniz wants for his monadic insurance.

How'd you know about that?

Never mind. Are you interested?

I suppose. Tentatively.

Well, that's perfect, actually. It's through the Fluid Tentativity that you will need to pass.

The Fluid Tentativity?

Exactly. The source of all turbulence.

You mean, like in water?

In water, in air, in the currents of time and salvation. It's all the same turbulence.

Uh huh. And you would need me to do what, exactly?

I, uh--I lost my cell phone.


And, well--I dropped it in the Fluid Tentativity. I need it back.

What, are you nuts? Just get a new one!

I can't. I'd rather not say why.

Well but--

Okay, okay, I'll tell you, sheesh, gimme a fuckin break already! It's got voicemail messages from Jesus on it, and the way the Fluid Tentativity works, there's no telling where it'll turn up. My wife reads those messages, she'll kill me.

What, she's some kind of atheist or something? Doesn't want you talking to Jesus?

Talking she can handle. The stuff he remembers us doing she can't handle.


Look, are you interested, or not? I'll pay you $10,000 to get that cell phone back.

In advance?

Don't jerk my chain. You'll never come back and I'll be out $10,000 for nothing.

Oh, I'll never come back! That makes it attractive. What, this Fluid Tentativity is going to flush me down into the Bottomless Pit or something?

No, no, nothing like that. You'll just run away with my money, is all's I'm saying. It's perfectly safe. I've been out in the Fluid Tentativity a million times. It's a cakewalk.

Then why don't you go get it yourself?

I--let's just say I used to be the Commandant of this place, till Jesus started coming around, and--

Okay, okay. Tell me what to do.

You'll do it?

We'll see.

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