Sunday, January 23, 2005



You see, chaplain, we've developed a sort of problem lately.


Well, maybe not a problem. Maybe more of a dilemma.


Well, maybe not a dilemma. Maybe more of a situation. An event horizon, if you will.

Perhaps you could describe it to me?

The thing is, word has gotten out that some of our guards here have, well--converted to Islam.

I see. And because I'm a Sufi chaplain you thought I could minister to--

No, no, chaplain. Let's not get off on the wrong foot here.

But you said--

I said we had a problem.

A dilemma, you said.


A situation. An event horizon.

You have it exactly, chaplain. And what we want you to do is to convert them back.

Excuse me?

Convert them back to Christianity.

But how could I--what would--but I'm not a Christian!

But you're a chaplain, aren't you?

Yes. A Sufi chaplain.

So all we're asking you to do is your job. Just for a new employer. Seeing as how the old one fired you, and all.

But you must understand that Sufism--

And for every inmate you convert back to Christianity, we'll take one eon off your sentence.

Inmate? I thought we were talking about guards.

Guards? Heavens, no. The guards that converted have been tried, convicted, and executed for fraternizing with the enemy. No, I'm talking about the terrorists, of course. We don't want them converting any more guards.

Then in what sense would I be converting them back to Christianity?

Back to where God wants them, of course.

I see. And--eons off my sentence?

One for each convert.

And how long is an eon, exactly?

We take it in the original Greek sense of the word, aion, of course: an indefinitely long period of time.

Of course.

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