Sunday, September 05, 2004


Jesus Comes to Greet the LXX, Part I

“Guys?” the Holy Ghost says. “I’d like you to meet someone. This here’s Jesus. He’s going to be visiting you today, maybe again in the future too. Okay? Take good care of him.”

“Sure,” we say, sort of nonplussed. We’re naked. We’re not used to getting introduced in the buff. “We will. No problem.”

And at that the Holy Ghost turns into a puff of smoke, and is gone on the breeze up off of the sea.

I step up, shake Jesus’s hand. Hell, I’m game. I’m not going to hang back wishing I was someplace else, just because I’ve got on clothes on.

“Hi there,” I say. “Welcome to the LXX Bible translation team. My name’s Sidaiyyahu ben Admon. But you can call me Sid.”

His eyes flicker just momentarily down to my penis. I see him do it. I’m not surprised. Of course you’re going to check out the other guy’s equipment. It’s only natural.

“Hey, Sid,” he says, rearing back a little, pretending to be surprised, “you’re Jewish?”

“Yeah,” I say. “We all are, here.”

“Whoa, that’s cool,” he says, nodding as he looks around at the guys, raising his eyebrows appreciatively as if I’d just told him we were all Nobel Prize laureates. “Me too, I think.”

“Yeah?” I say. “You’re not sure?”

“Not exactly.”

“That happens a lot these days,” I say, nodding sympathetically as we go inside. “A lot of parents don’t tell their kids. They don’t want em getting beat up on the playground. Tormented on the school bus.”


“Happens all the time.”

“That’s sad.”

“Ain’t it just. But, you know, what’re you gonna do. That’s the Diaspora for ya. So,” I say, slipping into my robe and fitting my yarmulke on my head, “are you from the future too, like the last guys who came in here?”

“I guess, in a way. I haven’t been born yet. That’s sorta why I’m not sure if I’m Jewish. The plan is for my mom to be Jewish. You know? The plan. Who knows, though, really.”

"Not born yet, huh?” I say. “Wow. That must be tough.”

“I guess,” he says. “There are a lot of things I can’t do, because my dad hasn’t picked my mom yet.”

“I would think so,” I say. “Man. Not yet born. Hoo. Guys, you hear this? Jesus here hasn’t even been born yet.”


“That sucks.”

“Tough break, kid.”

“No, no, don’t worry, I’m fine with it,” Jesus says.

"Well, that’s good,” I say. “Good for you. That’s the best attitude to take all right. That’s the healthy way of dealing with it. An attitude like that, you’ll go far, mark my words.”

“Well, thanks,” he says.

“Think nothing of it,” I say.

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