Tuesday, December 07, 2004


In the Blink of an I

Fortunately, the beetles were somewhat slowed down by the snow and ice. Their little shimmering bodies skittered all over the street as they helplessly chased the vehicle.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Bill demanded. “I told you it was a stupid idea. But did you listen? Nooooo, you just—“

“Shut up and keep your eyes on the road, goddamit. Here, take this,” Doug barked commandingly, hearkening back to his training at the Fort Bragg Center for Blogospheric Defense. He handed Bill a small blue pill.

“What’s this?”

“Don’t get excited, you dope fiend. It’s a degaussing agent. You’re turning a light purple. Without this, you’ll soon be nothing but a fine haze.”

“Whaddya mean?” Bill demanded, swallowing the tablet dry.

“You’re a jpeg image. Have been for days now. I should have known.”


“That gate you went through back there with the neon on it was a scanner. It turned both you and the vehicle into a computer image and transferred your image into this server.”

“Oh, bullshit. That’s sooo been done before. Besides,” Bill insisted, jabbing a pen into his leg, “if I was an image, could I do that? and would it hurt? Ow! See? And I have free will, too. See? I just decided to stop the car, and—“

“No, goddamit! Great, now it’s stalled. Get out.”


“Get out! And get in over here. I’m driving. You don’t know how to drive a pixelated vehicle.”

“Do so,” Bill mumbled. Then he brightened a bit. “Hey, I have an idea. I’m an image, right?”

“Right. And you’re now pretty much stabilized.”

“So, I could be emailed?”

“Yeah, sure. So?”

“You can’t think of anyone I might, umm, need to visit?”

And Doug smiled, adjusted his beret, and turned the car around.

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