Tuesday, December 14, 2004

 

The Cult of the Flying W

Umm, sir.

What is it, Rogers? Can’t you see I’m busy trying to count this cash? Goddamit, where was I? Seven hundred and sixty-five thousand…

Sir. We have a report from the Marines about a whale vomiting up a pile of fish on the banks of the river right outside the compound.

That’s in Doug’s dream. Ignore it.

Are you sure? The Marines say that the fish really stink.

If you’ll check the Daily Intelligence Briefings for once, dipshit, you’ll see that the DIA predicted a whale vomiting up fish in Doug’s dream. And Bill is safely trapped in our jpeg containment facility. Of course they’re both in each other’s bodies. Do I have to explain everything? Now help me with this cash.

The cash isn’t part of Doug’s dream is it, sir?

Don’t be stupid.

So after the whale barfs up the fish, what?

Doug wakes up. At least he thinks he does. He sees Stalin in his bathroom. Then the flying W swoops down through the open bathroom window and locks Doug’s head in its talons, and flies off. Doug is dangling under the flying W, kicking, yelling and holding the sides of his head as blood streams down his—Bill’s—face.

To what purpose?

The flying W does what it will. It’ll probably take him to a W rally and tear him into little glittering pixels in front of an adoring crowd while everyone gives the W salute. I don’t know. What I do know is, we gotta get this cash into a nice Swiss account by tomorrow. Now help me out.

Someone’s at the door, sir.

Well, see who it is and get rid of them.

I want to see Ambassador Negroponte.

He’s busy.

Yeah, sure. Well, tell him that Bill has escaped from the jpeg containment facility.

What’s that? Escaped?

Yessir. Escaped. He apparently wormed into our server and emailed himself to Doug’s dream.

I thought Doug was awake now.

Doesn’t really matter, since the line between dream and reality in this blog is so thin. If he did email himself to Doug’s waking dream, that will fuse their minds and bodies into one.

Two in one? My god, the thing will easily weigh 4-500 pounds! And won’t that fusion create another Mullah Billdoug?

We really don’t know what might happen, especially with the two of them dangling under that W.

Rogers, take care of the cash. We’re gonna need it. Gleason, make sure someone’s tracking that W.




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