Tuesday, November 30, 2004

 

Sacrificial Blogging

The blog demanded a sacrifice before the trip could continue.

“Fine. Fuckin A. Whaddya want?” they asked.

A voice spake from the tiny speakers attached to the computer, saying, “I demand an unblemished bull of two years of age, stippled and dappled in a manner pleasing to me, for a burnt offering and six turtledoves for a fried offering. You shall gather the priests and sprinkle the blood of the bull on the keyboard before placing the bull upon the monitor. The bull shall be consumed wholly without melting or burning the monitor. The turtledoves shall be killed with a Gillette razor blade, cleaned and defeathered, then chopped into pieces that can easily be fried in butter. The pieces shall be dipped in egg batter and then tossed in bread crumbs. Your priests will deliver these pieces, uncooked, along with an unblemished cast iron skillet and two pounds of sweet, unsalted butter to the dashboard, where the items shall be placed and left. At no time will your priests make eye contact with the server. They must not cough or sneeze, nor expose their body parts to the dashboard. That is all.”

What would a blog want with all that? they wondered. But they knew resistance was futile. The blog would have its way. And where the hell were they supposed to find priests way the fuck out here?

And why were there two of them now? Last week there had only been one. This is truly sloppy.

But what was to be done?

So, abandoning the vehicle at the gate, they set off to find the required items.




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