Wednesday, October 20, 2004


It's All the Rage

Whaddya mean, an election? You don’t elect gods.

It’s all the rage, this democracy kick. Everybody’s doing it.

Well, count me out. I’m perfectly happy being a dictator. I don’t like something, smite! I like something, reward! It’s the natural order of things.

So you won’t run?

Hell, no.

It’s not going to be a fair election unless everybody agrees to put their name on the ballot.

What do I care about fair? I run things. Dictatorship is much easier.

But I’m telling you, heaven and earth are moving away from that model. They just won’t buy it any more. Dictator is a dirty word.

So we won’t use it—I’ll call myself omnipotent instead.

It’s the same thing.

Look, I’m not participating in any stupid election. Forget about it.

The others aren’t going to like it.

Is Allah in on it?

I haven’t talked to Him yet.

I tell you what, you got a list of who’s on the ballot so far?

Here. All of the Olympians, Buddha, Ganesh, Krishna, all of the Loas and a few South Pacific deities, along with Jesus and the Holy Ghost and Mary, and we’re adding more all the time…

Jesus? Jesus is on the ballot? Mary? The Holy Ghost? What the hell? They can’t run against me!

They’ve agreed. If you don’t run, it isn’t going to look good for the Yahweh party.

The “Yahweh Party”? What the fuck is that? Allah hasn’t agreed?

I told you, I haven’t talked to Him yet.

Well, that tears it. My own family running against me. I guess I’m in. When is this election? Any debates? Can I pick any running mate I want?

Here’s the official rules. Look ‘em over, and if you have any questions, just call me, okay?

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